So, we read about the weird,
the unusual, the just plain dumb and the sometimes crazy all the time. All you
have to do is troll the internet and you see the videos of epic fails with
everything from bicycles, to wedding photos, to swimsuits, to motorized
vehicles to shit involving fire, you see the fashion choices of the ‘People of
Walmart’, you read about incidents too numerous to list about relationships
being literally run over forwards and backwards, gun and knife fights breaking
out over unequal servings of what’s for dinner, assaults with frozen meat or
delivered pizza, drunk adults letting kids drive to school or away from the
strip joint and all of that is just on a Thursday down south. But the one thing
you don’t always see is some of this crap happening here, right at home like
the ‘Sasquatch’s of crazy’ are truly elusive and only for the remote places
where you just aren’t.
I thought
about a year back that maybe I had finally caught a real ‘Sasquatch’ when I saw
someone rolling a human tall blow up world globe along the side of route 9 only
to discover that it was just an attempt to bring attention to some worthy
cause. Noble indeed, but shit for a ‘Sasquatch’. You know when you were growing
up and you saw ads on TV or heard them on the radio for grand amusement parks
or eventually even grander water adventures but all you could do was dream
because they were always in far off places like Disney or New Jersey? (Coney
Island and Playland were just as seemingly far away but they don’t count). But
then you get one right in your own backyard with a Splashdown in Fishkill or a
Sandcastle or Kennywood when I lived in Pittsburgh and you say “Finally’! Our
fun is right here, now I’m the envy of all of those ever wishful ‘other’ kids.”
Well,
finding a real 'Sasquatch' is kind of the same, you want to finally be the envy
of those other kids. I’ve been to the Walmarts here in the area and have yet to
see a person worthy of a ‘Person of Walmart’, not even in Newburgh where you
might think that the chances are pretty damn good. And though I’ve been to Pine
Bush I have yet to be picked up by or even just glance at a UFO.
And then
today it all changed, in the rain on Route 9 North, as traffic slowed for some
reason just past Marist, as there was our very own ‘Sasquatch’. A naked dude
taking his sweet time on a 10 speed, smilingly enjoying a full rain drenched
body's respite, along with his thankfully lazy not stiff bike’s breeze, from
the swealtering heat and, I’m assuming, not riding for any cause other than
that.
Now
if only he was in the process of being chased by an ex, similarly naked, trying
to run him over forwards or backwards with her car or pickup truck while
brandishing a frozen side of beef it would have been truly newsworthy but it
still was what it was.
The
only time I've ever seen anything at all like this was once, when I was a kid,
and, along with my Dad, we watched too few adults try to hide the too
many curious eyes of the too many young girl scouts in their charge from seeing
the green streaker at a NYC St Patty's Day Parade. "It's
GREEN?!"
But you know it's
funny, though I can relay to you this actual bicylce naked dude ‘Sasquatch’ sighting with my own
words I have no pictures, not even a fuzzy one of him riding off into the
woods, at least 8 feet tall, to corroborate my story other than, well, my
story. Maybe it will just become the stuff of legend. Take that red states.
